Presumption and assumption - and why it can be damaging!

I got into a strange argument earlier with someone. Not for the first time I was accused of being a self-pitier, someone who, they infer or outright accuse, only says negative things about themselves to engender sympathy. In short, that I am an attention seeker. I refute the claim but it made me think about these people and their motivation.

For my money, there are 3 kinds of people who speak only in negative terms. Firstly, there are those who do, as I have been accused of, say what they say to get attention and perhaps some consolement. Secondly, there are those who can easily see both the multi-coloured view of the world and the monochromatic view that is seen as pessimistic but chooses only to voice the negative. Thirdly there are people like me. People who have grown up without any great experience of, nor any real understanding of, the multi-coloured world and whose vision is entirely monochromatic. Our view of the world is not a conscious choice, it merely the reality of what we see. In short, we are being berated for our uncomfortable honesty.

I say uncomfortable because the people who make these accusations see the world in so many hues and shades and colours they cannot grasp the idea that others simply cannot. And because they cannot understand this simple truth they fall back on steroetypes and presumtive mistakes to try and align the person with their thoughts. As they cannot grasp the concept of a monochromatic view they assume we are making a conscious choice for whatever reason. The error lies not with the person with the monochromatic view, but with the aperson with the multi-coloured view.

So I say to these people this simple thing: Don't assume. Don't assume that someone with a bitter and negative view of the world is somehow faking it or attention seeking. Allow for the possibility, as it is a real poissibility, that what they see is all they can genuinely really see. Yes, such people have no doubt got serious issues to work through in order for them to start to see the colours, but don't dismiss. people in this position don't want either pity or sympathy, just maybe a little understanding and acceptance.

Also, don't ask someone "how are you?" if you aren't interested in the answer. if you are only asking out of some social norm then my advice is this: don't ask. It insults people if you ask them how they are when all you really want to hear is "I'm good thanks" or words to that effect. But if you do ask, then don't blame the person you are asking if you don't get a positive answer.

I was told I needed to get some rose-tinted glasses and lose the piss and vinegar ones. But that assumes that those glasses I wear are a choice, they aren't. As they are not for many people I am sure.

I am fortunate that thanks to my friends and role models like Amber Benson, I am beginning to see some of the colours but its a long struggle. I say that not to engender pity or sympathy, but because its the truth. Why should I lie about how I really feel just to make some stranger who makes assumptions can feel better? If they can't handle truthful answers to their questions then they shouldn't ask them.