Presumption and assumption - and why it can be damaging!

I got into a strange argument earlier with someone. Not for the first time I was accused of being a self-pitier, someone who, they infer or outright accuse, only says negative things about themselves to engender sympathy. In short, that I am an attention seeker. I refute the claim but it made me think about these people and their motivation.

For my money, there are 3 kinds of people who speak only in negative terms. Firstly, there are those who do, as I have been accused of, say what they say to get attention and perhaps some consolement. Secondly, there are those who can easily see both the multi-coloured view of the world and the monochromatic view that is seen as pessimistic but chooses only to voice the negative. Thirdly there are people like me. People who have grown up without any great experience of, nor any real understanding of, the multi-coloured world and whose vision is entirely monochromatic. Our view of the world is not a conscious choice, it merely the reality of what we see. In short, we are being berated for our uncomfortable honesty.

I say uncomfortable because the people who make these accusations see the world in so many hues and shades and colours they cannot grasp the idea that others simply cannot. And because they cannot understand this simple truth they fall back on steroetypes and presumtive mistakes to try and align the person with their thoughts. As they cannot grasp the concept of a monochromatic view they assume we are making a conscious choice for whatever reason. The error lies not with the person with the monochromatic view, but with the aperson with the multi-coloured view.

So I say to these people this simple thing: Don't assume. Don't assume that someone with a bitter and negative view of the world is somehow faking it or attention seeking. Allow for the possibility, as it is a real poissibility, that what they see is all they can genuinely really see. Yes, such people have no doubt got serious issues to work through in order for them to start to see the colours, but don't dismiss. people in this position don't want either pity or sympathy, just maybe a little understanding and acceptance.

Also, don't ask someone "how are you?" if you aren't interested in the answer. if you are only asking out of some social norm then my advice is this: don't ask. It insults people if you ask them how they are when all you really want to hear is "I'm good thanks" or words to that effect. But if you do ask, then don't blame the person you are asking if you don't get a positive answer.

I was told I needed to get some rose-tinted glasses and lose the piss and vinegar ones. But that assumes that those glasses I wear are a choice, they aren't. As they are not for many people I am sure.

I am fortunate that thanks to my friends and role models like Amber Benson, I am beginning to see some of the colours but its a long struggle. I say that not to engender pity or sympathy, but because its the truth. Why should I lie about how I really feel just to make some stranger who makes assumptions can feel better? If they can't handle truthful answers to their questions then they shouldn't ask them.

Re-consideration - what a joke!

Yes, my reconsideration has come through and, unsurprisingly, I have been denied. Why? because iot seems that reconsiderations can only be granted in cases of clerical error or discrepency, not for medical error. So now I move on to the appeal process and this is where the system is even more rigged.

Firstly, the appeal can take up to 3 months to sort out, and sometimes longer. Meantime the £105 a week I was on will be slashed to £51 a week. Why? because I don't qualify for the top rate of Income Support (£64 a week) because I'm appealing. Yes folks, you get penalised for appealing against a decision. And somehow, this is considered fair by the powers that be.

Secondly, I have to prove I'm ill. Now this seems a no-brainer but its more complex. My doctor knows I am ill, and has the medical records to prove it. She has treated me for years. The assessor who has ruined my life for the moment met me for no more than 30, maybe 45 minutes at most and has decided (I beleive deliberately) to mark me as fit for work, over-riding my doctor. Now at an appeal, one would think in a civilised society that the doctor who has actually treated you and knows you would carry the greater weight in terms of evidence, but the reverse is true. the assessor has the advantage.

Fathom that for a moment. An assessor hears something or for some other reason takes a dislike to you, or is under orders from higher than they are to cull the herd. They can write up a report which is negative without sounding biased (intelligent people as they are) and this report, made under less than adequate circumstances in a short interview, is given more weight than your own doctor. The fix is in, the game is rigged and rigged entirely against the people who need help most.

I asked for the guidelines that the assessors must adhere to in order to reach decisions, so that I cna see for myself how a person of "sound mind and judgement" might have made an error at my medical assessment, and guess what? I'm not allowed those guidelines. Why? Could it be because a previous DWP employee told me that there are no guidelines, that assessors make completely arbitrary, subjective judgements, that are entirely based on opinion and their interpretation, rather than actual facts. opinions made in short time rather than an actual proper length of time. If an assessor excludes information, deliberately or otherwise, they are not accountable as you have to prove they did it deliberately which is almost impossible.

But what is worse, and what upsets me more than anything else, is that because of this I will not now get my daughter in the Summer. I have not seen my daughter since December 2008 and was looking forward to not only seeing her in the Summer when she came down, but in surprising her for her birthday. None of these can now happen. To say I am heartbroken is an understatement. There is already consderible distance between my daughter and I due to geography which ahs led to a distance in our relationship as I am pretty much just a voice on a phone now. It was a chance to build fences and bridges between us and also with my family, who have not seen her since Xmas 2007. We are all but strangers to her now. This news has put another nail in the coffin of my parenting and it is painful beyond words.

Right now I hate the world.

Money becoming an issue

Another blog and another rant against a system which is as ludicrous as it is dehumanising.

I've still to hear back about my reconsideration, which could be today or up to another 2 weeks before I hear. The fact that, should be reconsideration be successful, they will backdate the money is not going to help me now. My Income Support form is in but that cna also take up to 2 weeks and so I find myself in a terrible situation - starve or beg for a loan from the very people who have put me in this situation in the first place.

Yes folks, the Crisis Loan looms and whilst it may solve my problems temporarily, it won't solve them in the long term. But there is something deeply sinister about all of this, I feel. I am unable to get a grant as I dont qualify as I will only be looking for food which it appears is very difficult to get and i have tried to get a Crisis Loan before and there are so many hoops to jump through it makes getting one next to impossible.

However what galls me is this: The DWP make a horrendous mistake with regards to my benefits. They drag their feet (deliberately so IMHO) in coming to a response about my reconsideration (I beleive to try and get people to take a different benefit instead so they can refuse you with a clear conscience, although that rather pre-supposes that they have a conscience which i truly doubt) and then place me in a position where I then have to beg for money from them to live on. Money I would then, in the most perverse part of it all, I'd have to pay back once they rectify their error. And the strange thing, is that if I were to treat them as they have treated me I would be at fault whilst they are whiter than white, purer than pure and untouchable.

Corruption is at the very heart of the DWP and personally I believe it needs a serious re-evaluation. Not only in terms of its working practices but also its staff. i personally think that those who have dealt with me at Coatbridge deserve to be fired. But heyl, telling them that will only ensure that I get nothing as they are vindictively petty.

My last blog was the scared man, this blog is the terrified and angry man. But what i truly am is disheartened and to be honest, disillusioned man. Disillusioned with the world and disillusioned with living. Should my reconsideration go against me, given all the distress they have already caused me and knowing that it will sound the death knell on any chance I have of seeing my daughter in the Summer, I just won't go on. My life means very little to these people, but maybe my death might wake them from their callous complacency.